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Blaugust Post #2 - Why Do I Do This?

By Joshua C. Ehlers on Aug 05, 2019

Days two, three, and four of Blaugust 2019 have come and gone; here I sit on day five going, “Why the hell am I so bad at staying on top of things?”

Thinking back on it, I’ve always had a sort of short attention span, but I could still reasonably finish projects that I started. Flash forward to about six or seven years ago, and I slowly started to notice that focus slipping.

Then I thought about killing myself and started on antidepressants. Ever since, that focus keeps falling further and further away. I’ll get excited about a new project in whatever hobby, put a good day or two into it, and then I’ll slip.

Once I slip, I fall. Missed a day? Might as well miss the next week too. Then the month. And so on. Next thing you know it’s six months later and you’re thinking, “I should finish that thing.” This is how you’ll think for another month or two before it goes away for, say, a year. Then the cycle starts again after restarting said project.

Want a list of things that I’ve started, but not finished, in the last year? This is not exhaustive, mind:

So, yeah. That’s why I’ve missed two days already and why I’m forcing myself to do this one today. I really think this could be ADHD rearing its head now that my depression and anxiety is lighter, but who knows.

Site Update

So, my site’s a lot uglier now. That’s because I completely scrapped the pre-built theme I was using and am now building one from scratch.

So far I have a barebones CSS, and the fanciest parts are the little tag buttons below.

I’m learning A LOT about Hugo and Go templates in the process. Now, let’s see if that’s a project I’ll actually finish! (See how I tied that together?)

  • blaugust
  • reality
  • mental health